“Anyone can become angry —that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way —this is not easy.” -Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics.

Oftentimes, people are more inclined to act before they think in situations involving high emotions. It’s easy to take things personal and become upset, but doing so is not only doing a huge disservice to yourself, but also to those around you. But how do you work on this? First, let’s talk about what the issue is exactly: Emotional intelligence, or lack thereof.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the capacity to understand your own emotions and the emotions of those around you. There are five key components that make up EI: Self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. When someone lacks emotional intelligence, they may lack the ability to regulate their emotions or understand others’ emotions, which can cause uncomfortable situations, arguments, or much worse. In order to work on your EI, there are two very important things you must do- Understand yourself and understand others.

Understanding yourself sounds like it should be easy, right? How could you not understand yourself? For some people, it’s quite a task to try and understand themselves. We as people get so caught up in life that we usually don’t take the time to really sit with the things that happen to us and truly reflect on them. We just experience it and keep things moving. But if you want to improve your EI, you need to stop and think about yourself. Self-reflection comes in many forms, like journaling, meditation, or practicing mindfulness, and all forms can help you grow to understand yourself better. By understanding yourself, you understand your triggers, the things you like and don’t like, and your habits that you can address and work on, which will lead you further down the road to developing a higher EI.

Understanding yourself is vital to understanding others, which is the next thing you must learn to do in order to improve your EI. When you know yourself, you’re able to take the situations you’ve endured and can apply them to situations others’ have experienced and deepen your understanding of what someone else is going through. This is called empathy. Having the ability to empathize with others improves your ability to connect with others and humanize them, making it easier for us to navigate conflicts and take things less personally. When you can do that, your life becomes much more peaceful.

In essence, cultivating emotional intelligence enriches not just your personal life but also the lives of those around you. It transforms interactions, enhances relationships, and ultimately leads to a more harmonious existence. So, take the first step today—commit to understanding yourself and others, and watch as your emotional intelligence blossoms, bringing greater peace and fulfillment into your life.